Tax Free Holiday....I Call Shenanigans!

Today in the big Nooga' the government has blessed us with a tax free holiday. Now for those of you unfamiliar, this is a day generally reserved for back to school. However, the TN gov. having the idea of a spring shopping tax break, instead of paying citizens back for over taxation , hence, causing there to be a huge bankroll (for a state that can't even manage their own "health insurance" issues). It has been declared this weekend a tax free for all. (Clothing, computers and school supplies.)

Now, the husband needed new shoes. One pair for work and one for leisure, (to be pronounced with a long e). I also had some needs that I hoped that this tax holiday could satisfy. Jeans and a swimsuit.

We venture out, off the mountain, 45 miles to the shopping heartbeat of the Nooga. Kohl's,Goodies, and a Target oh my!

Peolpe and clothing abound at our first stop, Kohl's. Levis...$19.99!!!! SWEET, they STRETCH too!!! Bathing suits from elbow to asshole... The jeans did not fit! NONE of them! Bastards. . (I mutter to myself about a possible conspiracy...) Bathing suits... NONE over a size 16!!! Damn it!
I ask husband...got shoes? Yes, he says. Off to our 2nd stop.

Goodies had NOTHING for anyone in a size 20 that I thought my grandmother wouldn't already have hanging in her closet. Quick exit!

Now, I'm holding out for a miricle at the Target. I go in, focused, untouchable. Climbing and clawing my way to the plus size swimsuits. (The jeans have fallen to the wayside at this point.)
I find ONE cute, attractive, and reasonably priced suit. I go to try it on. Motherfucker doesn't fit. Looked like two wild boars doin' the fandango in there!!!! UGGGHHHHH!

So no swimsuits were found at any of these places. However, I did notice a trend. All the tankini bottoms now come with belts. Belts people, really, on a damn bathing suit!!! Perhaps manufactures could save all that extra fabric they used to make said belts on all the suits in Chattanooga and sew me a decent swimsuit that my ass doesn't hang out of. It could be a suit of many colors! Yayyy!

So with all that said, and the conspiracy theory proven, I must inform my dear friends that it was not a tax free holiday for the Ranting. I feel overtaxed and pooped out!

ABC

A- Available or Single?
Nope, married for 8 years in May.

B- Best Friend?
#1 Carrie: All the way back from middle school days. We are still tight 17 years later!
#2 Keith: New found to my collection. When we met we were both like, I think I met you in a past life... Kindda' like kindred spirits.

C- Cake or Pie?
Cake, but only if it's very, very moist. I am especially weak for a bunt cake of any persuasion!

D- Drink of Choice?
Morning coffee. Strong and dark. Heavy on the French vanilla cream and one Splenda.

E- Essential Item?
Ipod, gotsta have it in the car!

F- Favorite Color?
Purple

G- Gummi Bears or worms?
Bears please. Generally,I am opposed to eating worms.

H- Hometown?
Chickamauga, Ga (silly spell check, that IS how you spell it!!!)

I- Indulgence?
I don't really have any. Nor do I have a chance to get any. My husband has too many.

J- January or February?
January of course!(Word has it on of my favorite peeps birthday is that month.)

K- Kids?
Not now, maybe later, after I grow up.

L- Life is incomplete without?
Please refer back to letter D

M- Marriage date?
5/8/99

N- Number of siblings?
2- One brother I claim who is technically my Bil. The other is 10 years younger than me and it depends on what day of the week it is whether I claim him or not.

O- Oranges or apples?
Apples-green,green,green!

P- Phobias/fears?
I hate me some zombies. They are ever so slow, but they always catch you!!! Ok, ENOUGH about that!

Q- Favorite Quote?
"Well behaved women rarely make history."

R- Reasons to smile?
I am alive! After all, it would be hard to smile if I were dead!

S- Season?
Spring and fall, both great gardening seasons. The alpha and the omega.

T- Tag
How about "tagless"? Glad there isn't one in my shirt or my undies!

U- Unknown fact about me
I am a published poet.

V- Vegetable you hate?
C-E-L-E-R-Y! Yuck, yuckity, yuck!!!

W- Worst habit?
Depends on who you ask.


X- X-rays you’ve had?
Collarbone and middle finger, both "to the left..."

Y- Your favorite foods?
El Mexicano (as long as it's legal, of course)

Z- Zodiac?
Aries, ready for a fight!!!