Blaaahhhhhh

I need to unload some crap. I thought i might do it here. Hope you don't mind. It has been a minute since i posted on this the prebaby blog that I once nurtured the way I now try to nurture my son. I find myself trying to work through some crap. Let's see, where should I start?

My father died December 8th
I feel like I want to claw my own skin off (not really sure what that's about)
My antidepressant works but is ravaging my liver (yay)
Motherhood is challenging
I am very restless
Several health issues diagnosed in 2010; sleep apnea, fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder

With all that I am just exhausted mentally and constantly physically fatigued. Not to mention I have had no 'me' time. Thus, no down time, no grieving time, no nothin'... Of course I can have scheduled 'me' time but what good is that? When it's convenient for everyone.

I will now breath in and exhale slowly...

My Yellow Bag

Funny thing, personal happiness.
Some find it in a walk or a hug.

Some find it in the person lying next to them at night or in the dog that sleeps at their feet.
Me, lately, I’ll take it any way I can get it.
A few weeks ago, I thought I had found it. My small piece of happiness…

hanging just there… from a metal rack, illuminated by florescent lighting.
Oh sweet yellow bag!

How I love you. (Well, it was you or your lime green twin.)
Decisions, decisions!
Jacob made it easy for me. He chose yellow.

Sweet baby boy.

He IS my true happiness.
I just wonder how long I’ll be able to take him along purse shopping…

The Two Yous

Jekyll and Hide.

Now that's a thought. When is the last time you thought of anyone in your life in such a way? Have you thought of yourself this way?


I must admit that I have on occasion.


There is the mother who loves her son and husband. Goes to work and does a good job. Cares about the world in general.



Then there's the big pile of shit that I sometimes feel like.



It's not that I always get to this place by myself. No, sometimes, I have help. You see, My husband is also a pile of shit sometimes. There is something to be said for a man to be able to make his wife want to kill herself. But hey, just apart of the job. Right?

So that's me today.

Not that I would (probably) do anything to myself. I have my son to take care of and watch after. It's just that sometimes I wish I were dead. Maybe, invisible, would be less permanent.

Yes, I wish I could be invisible sometimes.

Thanksgiving

With the upcoming holiday.... it made me think of how thankful I am for the things I have. Of course I am thankful for my husband whom I almost lost a couple years ago to divorce. Which led to a make up, which in turn led to our beautiful son, Jacob.

I am thankful to have a great job that I enjoy every day...ok, almost every day.

I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and for once in my life.... I actually do feel loved. Even through the antidepressants, I can still feel love.

I must admit that I am pretty numb to other emotions. Not really numb, but I feel them, and they are very dull.

However, when I am with my son.... his love for me burns into my soul. It's wonderful.

Thank you G-D for all that you have helped me attain. For G-D, I am truly thankful.

Fridays

Today marks another wonderful week coming to a close. It’s Friday afternoon 3:50… Louis Armstrong comes on Pandora. “What A Wonderful World” plays as I finish up my weeks filing. I sigh heavily, thinking to myself, that yes, sometimes it is indeed a wonderful world.

Despite all the crap that is going on these days, it can still be a wonderful world. For me, having the ability to see that beauty in all that ugliness makes me happy.

I am glad to be alive today.

DNA Testing Anyone?

Now, I pride myself on the fact that I don’t have a huge assortment of pet peeves. I have some. Come to think of it, really, only a miniscule amount.

Let’s see…

If you are an animal owner, take care of your animals. ATTENTION: This means if you have a dog and live in Dade County Georgia, please abide by the ‘leash law”. That way at 4 in the morning when some random dog gets my dogs worked up by peeing on the fence, it won’t be YOUR dog that I wish were dead or that I could shoot it with a paint ball gun.

If you’re a tree hugger… don’t buy a HUGE SUV and then plaster your love for the environment, in the form of bumper stickers no less, all over said HUGE SUV…!

Well duh, no explanation needed there.

Last but not least…

If you carry nail clippers on your person, don’t use the freakin’ things in public!

WHY?!? WHY!?! Why would you clip your nails, say, at the doctor’s office as you wait? Or worse…at work!?!

Please people, do this in the privacy of your own homes!!! That way, if I look over and see the afore mentioned fragment of DNA sitting in the seat beside me… I know it’s not yours!

Oh where, oh where have I been?

Well, as you all know, I am a new mommy. I never thought that I would belong to this "Mommy Club" that you hear buzz about in Parenting mags, or that you hear other parents talking about...

But it's true. I am officially a card carrying member of said club. And let me tell you, it is the best, most humbling, awesome, enjoyably exhausting, and fulfilling job I have ever had!

I never knew you could love one tiny being so damn much!

So with all that being said, it has changed my views of the world and the way I think and reacting in the world around me.

Well, my time is short and I must go. I have more important things to do than veg out in front of the computer....(oh those days.....). Until next time.

Just call me "Mommy".

Jacob Daniel
Born March 20th
6:11 pm
8 lbs, 3 oz
19" long

My Horoscope Today

Aries
You may feel as if your physical energy is simply not in a place where you can access it at this time, dear Aries. You may experience a tremendous sense of frustration when you try to engage in a physical routine or sport, and you don't feel as if things are clicking into place as easily as they should. At the same time, this invalidation is taking a toll on your entire sense of self. Do not get down on yourself for feeling the way you do. Accept the fact that there are good times and not so good times for doing certain things.


Funny you should mention it..... (I think to myself). Perhaps it's the 7 lb. baby living in my belly...I dunno, ya' think...? Hey,I thought it was funny.

You say it's your birthday...!

Because of my sweet husband's latest turning of age, I decided to find his new favorite song. While doing that, I found the video and wanted to share. It's funny what an apple commercial can do for one's career!

Coming Soon

Here's some photos of the nursery. Now all we need is some furniture! The bottom right photo is of the quilt we'll be using.

Watching The Clock

Have you people looked at the count down lately? I know I have.

Good news...the room is painted, carpet is clean, and curtains are on the windows. Yayy! Looks like a real room now. Not some big pile o' crap we ignore and pretend doesn't exist. Now as for the rest of our lil' home, it needs some straightening. I have tried to remedy this, but lets face it people...I'm too tired and too unable to move things around as need be.

Now as far as needing things done, the Husband is The Man. He has been wonderful through all of this and so patient and sweet. He must really be a saint 'cause I was already a bitch before getting pregnant and now I'm just a bitch that cries sometimes and sleeps very little. Bless his soul!

The whole pregnancy has been pretty uneventful. That's a good thing. They say that it could be as soon as March 15th for delivery. We'll see.

Now, I must go find something to eat. I'm starving!

From Blah to Babyrific!

With the new year approaching fast and my Baby Byer countdown Widget now saying 90 days until the bundle o' joy arrives... I think it's time to get down to business with that extra place in the back of the house that we have tried to avoid for months now and make it baby ready. After all, the sock drawer will only last him for a few weeks or so. Better just get to it.

Ready, Set, Go!

Theodore 2005-2007

You received a name of such grandeur for your exceptional ability to snuggle up with anyone who would let you. Even though you were a thin and sometimes frail cat... You were like a teddy bear, hence the name, Theodore. We will miss you.

Holiday Goodies For The Eyes

These are just my way of saying Happy Holidays to all the fine people out there. Plus I wanted to show off some fantastic christmas inspired photos brought to you by the JRB. To see more of this wonderful photography, please click here . Enjoy!!!!

Baby Byer Update

I recently visited one of my OBs. Yes, I said "one of" because I have 2 different offices that I have to go to. There's Regular OB and High Risk OB. These a courtesy of HR OB. Don't worry though, I only see the HR OB because of my insulin resistance. All is well as of right now.

During the ultrasound, he acted like a lil' ham for the "camera". Proving that yes, he will fit right into the family!


This first picture is a standard side profile of our baby boy.

This second one is kind of shocking because he's looking right at us!!!

The Golden Compass

I must say given all the drama surrounding the release of this movie, I am very interested in reading the book and then seeing the movie...


Protesters welcomed the premiere of "The Golden Compass"..
Many Christian groups are calling the movie anti-Christian and warning parents not to let children see it.

A group in Ft. Oglethorpe is part of that controversy...

"Know before you go" say the signs greeting the Friday night movie crowd at Battlefield Cinemas in Ft. Oglethorpe.

This group isn't protesting the movie theater, just the movie "The Golden Compass."

Protestor Ralph Pyle says, "We're trying to make parents, and pastors, and Sunday School teachers, and Christians aware of how some of these movies are being filtered in to their children."

The movie has drawn massive Christian opposition.

Organizations such as The Catholic league and Focus On the Family have taken a stance against the movie for the pro-atheist/anti-church message they say it promotes.

The movie is based on a series of books written by outspoken atheist Philip Pullman, although the author denies any hidden agenda.

In the books children fight to kill a character called God.

Some say the idea is anti-Christian and goes against biblical teaching, but the film's stars disagree.

Nicole Kidman plays Ms. Coulter in the film.

She says, "I mean I don't see it as that and obviously its open to interpretation, but I would be surprised if people actually saw the film and felt that."

Pyle admits he hasn't seen the movie and his grandchildren have even chosen not to watch it. He says he just wants more parents to pay attention to the movies their children see...

Pyle says, "Somebody said 'Well, its a choice.' And I love the idea of it being a choice, but I wish they would also after seeing the movie is take them to church Sunday and give them a choice there."

Click here to read more about "The Golden Compass" and find out what other local people have to say.


Of course, keep in mind, I have not yet laid eyes nor hands on book or movie.
With that said, my question is this...
According to the local news reports am I to form an opinion and believe this "witch hunt"?
Sure it may have atheistic views...
So does that mean that we should have a good ole' Book Burning ?


Things like that have done so much good for entire countries in the past! I feel I MUST see this movie now! I need to actually form my own opinion instead of believing what someone else tells me to.
Plus I'll need to know if I need to show up at the "bonfire" or not...

Life For Hire

I need someone to organize my life and my home....and be extremely affordable, yet offer quality work...ughhh! I am currently cleaning out the extra room that is to become the nursery...however, it's like crazy madness with the amount of shit that's piled up in there!

Help Me, Help You

I hate stupid people. I find myself frustrated because I am STILL having to remind a certain person of the correct thing to do at their job. Pay some attention. Maybe if you did, I wouldn't have to watch after you so much. In turn I wouldn't be so mean and hateful to you and everyone around me!!!

Simplicity

I can't believe I am going to be a mother. I mean, obviously my body has decided otherwise. Perhaps the giveaway now is my protruding belly. Yesterday I reached 16 weeks. This upcoming Friday we hope to identify the " sex" of said protrusion.

We have done nothing with the junk room that is to be the nursery. Of course at this point I feel I should rent a dumpster, nail all things I deem important to my household down, and turn our dwelling on it's ear, allowing all the "crap" to fall into the waiting dumpster.

I know this is not a great theory, but there is simply too much stuff to got through!!! Stuff we haven't laid eyes on in over 6 years. Clothes that haven't been worn since G-D was a boy...!

I'm just frustrated and am praying for simplicity. Perhaps I will come home and find that the junk fairies have visited and taken all the things I don't need, or even really want, away from my home.

I fear that I will have a child that sleeps in the drawer of our bedroom furniture. I mean it...nothing has been done! The drawer may be a good possibility at this point!

Perhaps I will go lie down and read...all this thinking about working on the house has me exhausted and stressed to the max...lol!