No take backs...

It has been a strange week since we last met my fellow blog friends. I have had several things happen to me.

On Monday evening of last week I received a message from my mother to call her.

Now, as many of you know, I have harsh feelings about the past with my mother. (which apparently she is oblivious to). So I talked to her and found out that my 31 year old uncle killed himself the previous Saturday.

Now, no one in our family has talked to him in about 8 years. There was a falling out when my grandfather died. Of course it was about the estate. This caused great friction between my mother, aunt and their brother.

We are unsure as to why he did this. Details are few. I am so mad at him. He took the cowards way out. he left his wife and his mother to mourn him. Also, I am mad at myself, for ever thinking of doing this to my own husband. Keep in mind people, this has not crossed my mind in several years. But, I must admit, I have been beaten down by the darkness that is depression. Speculation is that my uncle was battling this same demon.

I do not go to funerals and I refuse to "view" dead people. I think that it is rude and disrespectful to look at the deceased when they can't look back at you.

Here I sat in some random funeral home chapel, against my will, forced to drive three long hours with my mother because I felt obligated to. I must add that I only did it because I did not want her to drive up by herself.

I had an epiphany that day. It could very easily be me mourning the death of my mother or my brother whilst filled with regret. My mother and my aunt both cried and I held my cousin's hand to comfort her. My cousin and I agreed to not float away from each other like he did.

You can't take back regret...